A couple of weeks ago I received this question in a message
from one of my Facebook followers, “Hey I have a question for you. We had a
calf that died 2 weeks ago and I am trying to figure out a way to let H know
that he is dead and so I am needing help on how to tell him. How do you let a 2
year old know that a cow is dead? We have about 8 head of cows and we have a
long horn heifer that we bought at a sale. She is registered. I would love to
bring H over to see your cows an all. Hope all is going well.”
This got me to thinking that maybe several moms out there
have the same question. When you raise
animals whether it is as many as we have or just a few backyard chickens, death
and dying is something that we all have to deal with and if your kids are
involved with chores they will notice if an animal is missing.
Calving season is rapidly approaching on our farm. Like it or not, some calves aren’t meant to
make it without a miracle and some cows are going to have problems. Just like some people have problems. Our family has been praying for a year for
the CDH Cherub Killian who was born with a huge hole in his diaphragm. You can follow the story of this little fighter
who was given a 5% chance of survival and just celebrated his first birthday
last week here. I am sure there are
probably calves born with a similar problem and we never know it.
When our oldest son was probably 2 years old, we had a cow
die suddenly in one of the pastures.
Instead of taking him to that pasture and listen to the why, why, why
questions, we sent him to feed in another pasture with grandpa while we
disposed on the dead cow. We were given
a hard lesson in don’t try to avoid the situation when we got the phone call from
grandpa that THREE heifers had fallen through the ice on the pond and
drowned. Needless, to say we still had
to answer the questions of why, why, why.
Ever since that day, we have been totally honest with the kids if we
have had a calf or cow that is really sick that they may die. We are also honest when they do pass on.
When the boys were both older, some of our neighbors left
for spring break only to have a ewe have twins in the rain. The ewe had the smallest one in a barrel that
was holding water, so he was very cold and almost hypothermic. We took him to our house and tried to keep it
warm and fed for several days. One
morning, the boys came into the kitchen and asked if the lamb was still
alive. When I told them yes, they were
excited and went off to see him. At that
point, I realized that I had exposed my kids to more death that most kids their
age and they could deal with it.
I have found that my kids can deal better with a calf that
has died than when we sell one. They know
that God made the decision to take that calf from us. They don’t like it when mom and dad make that
decision and always try to question us.
I know I don’t have any cut and dried answers that are
always right all the time. I have just
found that kids like their parents to be open and honest with them and don’t
like things sugar coated. In fact, I
think my kids respect me for it.
I really like this post! Good words of wisdom!
ReplyDeleteThanks Julie! I am not sure how much "wisdom" went into it, but it is what has worked with our family. Have a great week!
DeleteVery nice! I also tried (when my kids were little) to be upfront with death on the farm...when you have many animals it is a given! Thanks! TerriO
ReplyDeleteThanks Terri! I have found honesty goes a long way with kids...often more so than with adults. Thanks for stopping by and leaving a comment.
DeleteMy dear departed Irish blood mother was once asked how to answer a child's pointed or uncomfortable question (death, sex, etc.), and she replied, "If they're old enough to ask, they're old enough for a straight answer."
ReplyDeleteMost times simple Wisdom is the way to go.
Tom,
DeleteIt appears you had a very wise mother. I think in today's society we sugar coat things a little too much for our kids and when the real world slaps them in the face it is a real shock. As you can imagine, my boys have a basic understanding of everything you listed above. :-)
Have a great day my friend!
I love this post. I live on a farm and have had animals die and I remember being probably 3 or 4 and losing one of my baby goats. It was probably my first big loss and my parents told me straight forward what happend. Sure I was sad and I cried a lot. But over the years i've learned to appreciate and value the beauty of life around me. Living on a farm gives you such a better understanding of death and sickness that I think really helps in life. I just wish more of todays kids could have that understanding.
ReplyDeleteErin
http://diariesfromthedirtroad.blogspot.com
I couldn't agree more Erin. Maybe if more kids had the responsibility of taking care of an animal and understanding that every good thing must come to an end, I think things would be a lot different in our schools.
DeleteThanks for stopping by!
I agree with you, KFM. My parents were open and honest with Sister and I about animal and human death. We still shed our fair share of tears but respect Mom and Dad for how they chose to expose us to this issue.
ReplyDeleteI can remember several calves, a dog, and cats that died when I we were little. Dad didn't keep it a secret that a few of our show steers did double duty to feed our family.
Thanks for the support Robyn. I think most of our kids could use a bit more honesty from all the adults they work with these days.
Delete