Refocusing

I am learning in my advancing age that sometimes you need to take a step back and refocus where you send your energy.

10 years ago, I longed for leadership positions in any and all farm organizations.  I spent time serving on the county farm bureau board and the state soybean association boards as well as CommonGround and many others.  I even coordinated the school book fair with one of my best friends.

The last few years, I've found less enjoyment in the positions I had acquired.  If you are like me, when you don't enjoy something you don't give it the time and energy it deserves.  I have slowly stepped down from positions hoping I would find a balance I was happy with.  A balance between time with my boys, my work on the farm and volunteering for the farmers of Kansas.

Have you ever tried to balance 3 things at once? I wasn't very good at it.

While The Farmer has taken on more leadership roles in state at organizations, I have removed myself from most of them.  I am happier.  I am calmer.  I am still not as organized as I would like to be.  I don't feel I  am shorting my fellow farmers that I was to be representing by not reading everything that was sent to me and not contacting my legislators like I should have.

Moms out there...why do we feel we need to be everything to everyone?

Why do we think we must have the beautifully decorated and clean house while volunteering for everything, helping the kids keep good grades, have a well balanced meal on the table three times a day all while staying skinny wearing makeup and having our hair done beautifully.

Why?

I don't know why, but here is the truth.

My hair is pulled back in a ponytail most days, because it is functional and it is quick to do.

My house is never immaculant...even when it has just been "cleaned"...well my version of cleaned.  (Please don't look under there or in there.)

My kids do pretty well without me on their grades.  While dyslexia makes spelling a challenge, there is always spell check in today's world.  Right?!

I get food on the table 3 times a day; however, my idea of balanced and a dietician's maybe two different things on some meals.  What comes out of those mouths during dinnertime conversation is probably more important than what goes into them some nights.

P.S.  I turned down an opportunity to apply for a new leadership role last week on a state board.  I need time to refocus and find where I want to be.

How do you find balance with family, work and volunteering?  How do you stay happy?

From One Farm Mom to A Farm Mom To Be

Two of my best blogger friends are expecting!!  I thought it only fitting that I send them a bit of advice.  I asked several other farm moms to join in the advice, so be sure to check out all of their blogs, too.  My friend Jenny over at The Magic Farmhouse also has some advice for them, be sure to check it out!

Dear Carrie and Taysha,

Congratulations on your exciting news!!  I am so ecstatic that you will be joining us in the exclusive group knows as Farm Moms.  There are some things I feel I should tell you that won’t be in any book.  Some women think pregnancy is the best thing in the world, and others (like me) feel that carrying a baby is something that is trying to kill them from the inside.  I promise you the 9 months is totally worth it in the end.   

1.  Your digestive tract is no longer your friend.  Foods you once loved will try to kill you.  For Jodi, it was BBQ.  Katie of Illinois Farmgirl fame told me, "Joe's Special Pizza became my go-to-food with my 1st; and to this day, that pizza is so good to me.  With my 2nd, I couldn't stomach sweets.  Nothing.  No candy, cookies, cake, pie, anything sugary was off-limits.  Bacon, however, calmed a queasy stomach."  For me, it was white bread and potatoes.  It is always totally random as to what will try to kill you, we hear for Carrie that it is bacon...(Katie look out Carrie may hate you when she read this).  While not eating bacon for 9 months sounds horrible, at least it isn’t cheese.  You both live in the cheese meccas of America! 

2.  Your digestive tract will slow down.  (I know I seem to talk a lot about digestion, but this is serious.)  I assume this is to gather every nutrient possible out of the food you eat for that little miracle you are growing.  Eat LOTS of fiber.  Eat lots of fruits and vegetables.   Learn to love prune juice (until your bundle arrives and you are nursing which causes bad things to arrive in the diapers, but I digress and that is a post for another day.)  Seriously, follow my advice or you may find yourself in the fetal position on the bathroom floor saying “if childbirth hurts like this we are only having ONE child…IF I live through this.”

3.  Melinda of Farm Living is My Life has this digestive advice for you: "Digestion issue #3 is when your metabolism changes due to 2 pregnancies in 2 years therefore giving you a gall bladder full of stones. And your doctor telling you it's just false labor pains when you're actually passing said stones makes you consider taking the bander to your next appointment and teaching him what it really feels like."

4.  Emotions are no longer something you can control.  I was that girl that could sit stone faced through the saddest movie, even Eight Seconds and not shed a tear.  This is not something that ends when the pregnancy ends, even now I find myself just talking to DebbieLyons-Blythe about her son brings me tears flowing down my face.  While it is embarrassing to become that blubbering woman with mascara running down your face, every single mom in the room understands and will tell you they have been there.  Just stop with the eye makeup now.  Once the kid arrives you will be too tired to put it on anyway.  Katie still cries at Hallmark commercials, and can't watch Law & Order: SVU anymore. 

5.  You are no longer in charge.  Yes, as the parent you may think you are, but from now until the day you die every decision you make will somehow include #dairybaby or #babyspartan.  Your multiple nightly trips to the bathroom are only the beginning of schedule changes for you that you can’t control.  My parents advice to parents to be is always the terrible 2’s and horrible 4’s are bad, but wait until they get to…(whatever age I am at).    I swear they still make decisions based on what we or the grandkids want or need.  
 

6.  You will start thinking more about show cows and breeding a family of cows to produce show heifers.  We all do it.  Don’t be ashamed.  Take my advice and start now or buy a decent heifer now to breed up.  We didn’t start soon enough and buying good show heifers in this market is expensive.  The good thing about social media is that you can find friends with those animals.  Just ask Bastian Show Calves. 

7.  The guys and your mother in law on the farm may decide this pregnancy or birth has made you disabled.  TAKE ADVANTAGE OF IT!!  I didn’t.  I weighed and sorted steers when I was 34 weeks pregnant with my oldest son and then I learned what HELLP stands for and met my son at 35 weeks and 2 days instead of 40 weeks.  Like it or not, the guys that work with us can tell when we are getting tired and don’t feel well before we do.  You will HATE being sent to the house to rest, but DO IT!  Melinda on the other hand offers this advice, "And when the doctor suggests bedrest when you're 39 weeks pregnant, walking the pasture checking for fall calves and driving the old 4010 John Deere for harvest probably isn't what they consider "bed rest". It's best not to tell the nurse what you've been up to when she calls to check up on you. Just say you were sleeping and missed the call."

8.  Find a good kids and maternity clothing store.  In our area, it is Heaven’s Angels.  Let’s be honest here, we live on farms.  Every outfit does not have to be brand new and super adorable.  S#@T happens.  Mud puddles happen.   Let the grandmas, aunts and friends buy the cute clothes.  Go straight to the red tag racks for maternity and baby clothes.  I guarantee there will be days when you will hose the kid off before you go to the house and there will be days when you don’t even consider putting the clothes in the washer and they go straight in the trash.

9.  My friend Tracy aka Nebraska Wheatie shared some great pregnancy advice for those few that get severely ill while pregnant.  If you have ever felt like this: "Sleep was the only thing that would provide me with temporary relief. I remember thinking how much I dreaded nighttime because that meant another day of being sick was what I had to look forward to."  You might want to read about Hyperemesis Gravidarum.

10. Melinda had another bit of advice: "If you take childbirth class, be prepared to have your husband ask if the forceps are similar to chains and if they are, how do hook the jack on? Trust me, the instructor will consider kicking you out of the class at this point."  But in all seriousness, do pay attention to the deep breathing exercises, they do come in handy when you get injured on the farm.  I used them when we dropped the squeeze chute on my big toe, the gate got kicked back at my head and required stitches and I am pretty sure The Farmer used them when a cow hit him when trying to tag her calf.  

11. Just in case you were wondering...even though you have see cows do it thousands of times, I did NOT crave eating my afterbirth nor did I have the urge to lick my baby to clean him off.

12.  While some of your friends have thought the birth of their child is reason to have a party...in the delivery room, it is perfectly acceptable to be like a beef cow and go have the baby in privacy with hubs and the doctors and let everyone know later.

13.  I guarantee you will have a new found sympathy for cows with mastitis.  Want your hubs to know what it feels like?  Have him run over by a Mack Truck.  Seriously, the sickest I have ever felt.  Now, cows with mastitis get lots of extra care, special feed and extra bedding along with their antibiotics.

14.  You milk production will be a topic of family discussion.  Don't believe me?  My GrandPA called to see how my milk production was doing before my son was a week old.  He and my grandmother (who died 1 week after my son was born) offered the advice to drink a beer if I needed to "let down" more milk.  Seriously, I wouldn't make this stuff up.  

15. The best advice from Katie, "that I wish first time moms-to-be could hear, but understand why they don't (because I didn't hear it) . . ."

Love you both!  Can't wait to meet your bundles of joy!  I am only a phone call away if you need unsolicited advice. ;)  I am off to work on your designer AgTastic Baby Wear.

A Kansas Farm Mom

Now to my readers other than Carrie and Taysha:
What did I miss?  What other advice do you have for Farm Moms to be?

Farmer's Wife-Guest Post

Today I have a guest post for you from Amy Brandemuehl.  I do not know Amy, but we are both members of a Facebook page called the Farm Wives Support Group.  She posted this awhile back and I asked if I could share it with all of you.  She wrote it in response to a situation a friend was going through and I think she perfectly described the life of a farm wife.  Enjoy! -A Kansas Farm Mom  

Farmer's Wife
By Amy Brandemuehl
January 6, 2015

It takes a lot of patience and perseverance to be a farmer/rancher's wife. It is one of the hardest, loneliest, saddest, rewarding, fulfilling, satisfying, educating jobs out there, and yes, it is a job, it is a career, and it is a choice. You choose to be a farmer's wife when you chose the farmer to be your life mate.

 

Is it easy? No, but anything worthwhile rarely is. Is it a 9-5 job 5 days a week? HECK NO!

It is planning your wedding for after planting but before haying starts, and your anniversary is usually doing one of those two activities. It is all hours of the day and night in all kinds of weather. It is freezing temperatures, thawing the water tank when it is 30 below wind chill, and sweltering heat,working cattle through the chute, breaking you down.

 

It is rarely having the ability to commit to some activity in the future as something usually happens to delay or cause you to miss the activity. It is going to weddings and parties by yourself during certain times of the year due to fieldwork, calving, or just break-downs in general.

Vacations are a luxury that some farmers have to plan a year in advance so that there are no cows to milk, calves to feed, grain to plant or harvest. And even then hard to get away because something may happen at the last minute. Holidays like Christmas happen, but only after chores are done.

Dates are usually few and far between, and usually consist of a picnic lunch in a tractor out in some field while cutting or baling hay. Even when the work is all done and life slows down for the winter, going out seems like more work than it is worth, due to it being so cold out, and after fighting it all day, your husband is grateful to be sitting in his chair in a nice warm house. It is a treat not to have to make one meal once in a while, but more of a treat to have them in the house on time to sit down as a family for a home cooked meal.

A farmer's wife holds many jobs in which she does not draw a salary, she is a chef, preparing foods that will hold her family over until the next meal, a driver, of anything with 4 wheels or more, a gopher, go for parts or helping move machinery from farm to farm, a plumber when laying waterlines for new hydrant or thawing out a water tank, a cowgirl to ride the pastures on horseback to check or move the herd, a laborer helping pick up and stack wood for the winter, and a mud runner when the cattle fall out of the trailer in town on a warm winter day.

She has to be a peacemaker to smooth some of the rough edges, some of our farmers have, yet be strong enough to put her foot down when our farmer thinks he needs to buy that new machinery when what he has will work a bit longer. She must have the patience to put up with dinner ready at 6 and not eaten till 9. She has to be self reliant because when the dishwasher breaks, she better have her computer handy to find a YouTube video on how to fix it.

Be willing to forgo a date night in order to save a half frozen calf. Know that she can't be superwoman and do it all, but also not be afraid to shed some tears when a calf she has worked hard to keep alive, loses the battle.

She must multitask taking care of her home, children, chores, finances, and husband before she finds time for herself.

A farmer's wife rarely comes first, but that isn't always so bad. To see smiling, healthy children, healthy livestock, abundant crops, sometimes the farm wife has to look at the whole picture, not the day to day struggle.

A farmer's wife is not born that way, it is a learning experience that is never ending. A woman could be born and raised on a farm and still have many things to learn. To become a farmer's wife and have rarely experienced farm life growing up is even harder.

I give a lot of credit to my mother who was raised in a metropolitan area who met and married my dad who was both a surgeon and a farmer. This year they will be celebrating their 60th wedding anniversary on the farm where they raised us six kids to be independent self reliant adults.

 

Adults that can drive just about anything with 4 wheels or more, help bring a newborn animal into the world, and have the ability to effectively manage finances.

 

We didn't always have a lot of material items growing up, but we all knew we were loved and we respected our roots and grew to be some pretty awesome adults with the tools we need to pass that wisdom on to our children.

I am proud to be a farmer's wife. My life is complete. I wouldn't trade it for anything. I won't lie and say every day is wonderful, but the good days outnumber the bad. I want to be that woman that my farmer comes home to, that shares in his triumphs and helps him through his loses.

 

I may grumble when woken in the dead of the night to rescue him when he is broken down on the side of the road, but I would rather be the person who helps him than some stranger that could do him harm.

Life is what you make of it, if you go into it with a positive attitude, you are more likely to have a positive outcome, so if you can't handle the heat, stay out of the fire.

This can also apply to those strong women who farm on their own due to many different circumstances. They have my utmost respect because they don't always have someone to share their burdens with.

My husband and I will be celebrating our 17th wedding anniversary the end of this May, I have a feeling it will be in a field somewhere, but that is OK, I am just thankful for every day that I can call myself a farmer's wife.

Another note from KFM:  I wonder if all the girls on the Bachelor know what being the wife of a farmer really means.  Should we send this to them and see if they are willing to share their house with a half frozen calf?

Tribute to Stock Show Moms

I grew up loving to show livestock.  I currently have one son that also has the love.  Growing up, I didn't realize how much my parents did for me and how much I appreciated all the other parents at the shows.  It is safe to say that there was a whole village raising me that happened to also show and love Limousin cattle.  They are all still like family to me.

I hope you enjoy this video tribute to livestock show mom's everywhere.  Please feel free to share it with your friends and those that made a difference in helping you become who you are.

Bless all the 4-H and FFA parents out there.  They make an impact on so many lives, not just their own children.  Thank you to all the stock show mom's that I had growing up!  I hope I can be half the mom that some of you were to me.  These kids are NOT Just a Farm Kid and their dad's are pretty special, too.

-A Kansas Farm Mom

The Teen Age Mothers of our Farm

We consider calving season finished when the last heifer calves.  A heifer is a female bovine that has not had a calf. On our ranch they are usually 2 years old.  I like to call them the teenage mothers of the farm.  And these are the teenage mothers that don't get to read the book What to Expect When You Are Expecting.  ;)  These are the clueless ones that try to deny they are pregnant until they go into labor.

About the end of February, I feel like I have spent more time with them than my own family.  I never know what I am going to find when I go out to check the "girls" and I feel like they need constant babysitting.

Here are a couple of examples.  One Saturday afternoon, I went to town to get a few groceries.  I had watched one of the heifers with her newborn before lunch and decided I should check on her when I got back from town.  When I pulled up to the gate, I did not like what I saw...

That's right!  The calf had fallen face first into the creek and she was just standing there "protecting" it.  I snapped this picture as I was going down the clay covered creek bank (in my good go to town shoes).  The calf was laying with one nostril in the water, but was still breathing.  Thank you Lord for watching over this calf! 

I pushed the heifer out of the way and drug the calf back up the bank.  Baby calves are not light, ours usually weigh 50-65 pounds.  As soon as I got him back to the top, he stood up and took off walking with mom...away from the creek.

Now, I just needed to convince The Farmer that I needed a new pair of shoes to replace the ones that are now stained orange from the clay on the creek bank.

I had been watching another heifer for quite some time in labor one afternoon.  I had to stay several hundred yards away or she got nervous and took off walking.  Of course, I didn't get out the scope or binoculars to see how close she was laying to the creek bank, but I could tell when she was really pushing and when she stopped.   When she stopped pushing, I walked to see if she needed some help and found this...

That's right, she sat herself down so close to the edge of the bank that when the calf finally came out it slid straight down the bank!  If you look closely, you can see the skid marks from the calf's legs.

The calf was laying right at the waters edge.  I called The Farmer and said, "I NEED HELP!"  I was pretty sure it would take me the rest of the day to get the calf back to the top and I needed his strong back.

He picked up the calf and started climbing...

and climbing...

and climbing...

and climbing.

He laid the calf a safe distance from the bank and I went to make the heifer get up.  Yep, she was still laying there resting clueless to the fact that she had just given birth and had new responsibilities. 

After I got her up, and drove her toward the calf she decided it smelled good and that maybe she should take care of it.

Heifers also have their calves in nice places, but as soon as the calf is delivered they take off.  We don't have a leave your baby at the hospital and no one will come looking for you policy.  Nope, we go find these girls and make them take care of the baby they brought into this world.

We have seen two heifers calve side by side in the middle of a pasture and then both heifers only take care of one calf.  Apparently they think it is a team sport and it is fine to leave the other little guy out in the cold.  I have seen them actually get in a fight over who's calf it actually is.  Think two 1000 pound cows having a "cat fight" with a 50 pound baby in the middle.  

Now, don't get me wrong.  We do have some great girls that take care of their calves and get them off to a great start in life.  I also know some teenage moms that are working their tails off to become fabulous mother's to their son or daughter.  One of them is a faithful follower of this blog.  It's just that immaturity is just as prevalent in the animal world as it is in the human world. 

 I now see why older farmers tend to not calve heifers and buy older cows that someone else has helped them through that first calf. 

-A Kansas Farm Mom

Spoon Feeding Nitrogen to Wheat

Last week, the Farmer and I spent several days (I lost track of the week about Tuesday) giving the wheat a little fertilizer.  Just like the corn, on our farm we don't apply all the fertilizer the plants need at once.  If we get a big rain, it can dilute the fertilizer and possibly carry it deeper in the soil where the roots may not grow to reach it, so we try to apply fertilizer at different times.  We also try to apply when the plants need it.

The ground view level of the wheat last week.  It will really start growing fast with the warm days we are getting, the rain we were blessed with last week and the added nutrition.

On the wheat, holding back part of the fertilizer controls the growth of the plant.  We don't want the wheat to grow too fast before we are sure Spring has truly arrived.  A late freeze on big wheat is not a good thing just like your hostas don't like it when they are out of the ground and it freezes again.

Wheat really needs to be dark green to show that it has all the Nitrogen it needs to grow.  The neighbor's wheat definitely has a yellow tinge to it showing it needs some more nutrition (aka fertilizer).

Farmers use a combination of dry and liquid fertilizers.

The dry fertilizer is like the pellets you can sprinkle on your lawn or that you see mixed in your Miracle Gro potting soil.

The spreader we use just happens to be A LOT bigger.

The liquid fertilizer is like the Miracle Gro that you mix with water to apply.  We use our sprayer with special "tips" that put the fertilizer on in a stream.

I spent several hours a day last week in the truck hauling liquid fertilizer to The Farmer.  After school, the boys "got" to go with me.  Homework was done in the truck.

Still researching Massachusetts agriculture on mom's phone.

Anyone that thinks that all kids need an electronic device haven't met my 7 year old.  He begged to stay at the field to finish his project with a stick and the dirt in the road.

 Just makes me smile!  How about you?

 I couldn't get enough pictures of his intensity and dedication on this project.

Applying fertilizer takes way more time than if we applied it once, but it is better for the plants, the soil and the environment.  And it gives us lots of extra family time without the distractions of a TV.  :)

-A Kansas Farm Mom

W4DW- Kansas Farmer's Mexican Skillet

This time of year things get really busy.  I am like a lot of other mom's trying to get my full time job done, getting kids to soccer practice and of course I want to spend some time playing in the flower beds, so sometimes you need a quick easy and relatively inexpensive meal.  I really like that it is a great one skillet meal and the clean up is a snap.

Believe it or not my Farmer taught me how to make this recipe.  He doesn't venture into my kitchen very often, but this is one of the boys favorite dishes and it comes together so quickly.

A Kansas Farmer's Mexican Skillet

1 lb ground beef, browned
1 can Mexican chili beans
1 can whole kernel corn, drained
1 tablespoon chili powder or Cajun seasoning

Combine all ingredients in a skillet and simmer for 15-20 minutes. The boys like it with Parmesan cheese sprinkled over the top.

-A Kansas Farm Mom